The fictional world I’d most like to live in

I don’t know if it’s still a thing, but back when I was in high school and middle school, I remember that there were a thousand-and-one questionnaires for any fandom you could dream of! Maybe it was just a side-effect of growing up enjoying how so many fandoms flourished on the Internet, which maybe meant I was just close to where these conversations were happening. But I remember, in a very non-specific way, that one of those questions was “which fictional world would you most like to live in.” Basically, which fictional world do you wish was real life?

Think about the question for yourself for a second. It’s fun! Maybe you’re thinking you would love to live with the transporter technology available in Star Trek. Depending on how deep into the lore you get, the fictional world of Star Trek certainly seems like a solid choice. Or you wish you could live among the hobbits in Lord of the Rings. Or Star Wars! But only if you’re a Jedi. Regardless of your choice, it’s a fun experiment.

It’s funny that I don’t remember the specifics of when I first heard this question because I have always had the same answer to that question. From the time since I was barely qualified as a teenager to today.

Pokemon.

If there was one fictional world that I could live in, it has always been and will always be the world of Pokemon.

Yup.

If you know me at all, I honestly couldn’t guess if you’re surprised by that answer or if the moment you heard it, you went, “Huh. Makes sense.” I’ve loved Pokemon since I was a child. It was what I looked forward to watching when I got home from school when I was little. But it’s not the fandom I’m exceptionally vocal about. It’s more like, every so often, I remember how cute Pokemon are and then I go through a period of absolutely loving on the cute Pokemon (read: the ones I think are cute, regardless of whether or not they are).

So why Pokemon? When there are a million and one fictional worlds to choose from, all the books, movies, and more in the world, why would I choose the world of Pokemon? The answer is incredibly simple. And it all goes back to my memory of one scene in the animated show that may or may not be real since I saw it so many years ago (back while I was still in single digits of age).

I was initially introduced to Pokemon through the animated series rather than the video games, and so it was the show I was most influenced by. I grew to be very invested in the adventures of Ash Ketchum and his Pikachu and friends he encountered on his Pokemon journey that he was on despite the fact that he was just ten years old.

I have a vague memory of how there were nights when Ash and his friends would sleep in their sleeping bags beneath the stars. I remember Ash staring at the night sky hanging high above their heads and talking to a friend about their journeys so far before drifting away to sleep.

And my memory of that scene, whether or not it’s real or imagined from my very young mind, still brings me such an overwhelming sense of peace.

Pokemon is a world in which a child can safely go on a Pokemon journey, exploring the world with his friends by his side. He sleeps under the stars and meets new people. He faces challenges in battles and gyms and whether he wins or loses, he does so with his friends by his side. Not to mention the whole free healthcare available at Pokemon Centers. Not gonna lie: that’s pretty appealing.

It’s not even the fun of actual Pokemon (as in the creatures) I want (but if an Oshawott wants to be my friend, I will be OVERJOYED). It’s the idea of safely traveling on foot with my friends and finding peace in that journey and joy in the future rather than fear and anxiety in the unknown.

Obviously, it’s a simpler version of cross-country traveling than one might experience in the real world. Obviously, there are opportunities to experience the joys of traveling in the real world. But in Pokemon, the sensation of peace that was bestowed upon me to see humans and Pokemon sleeping beneath the stars,

I will spend my life searching for whatever version of that I may be able to find in this world before me.

And then the scaredy cat fell in love with horror video games…

If you think YOU’RE a scaredy-cat, remember this: I’m still a little bit messed up from Goosebumps: Night of the Living Dummy 3. Yup, a story for children. I watched a film version of this story back when I was a preteen, and because a living dummy was in an air vent in the film, I spent a year unable to sleep while facing them. Because one of the children was turned into a living dummy himself while sleeping on his back, it’s only been in adulthood that I’ve been able to sleep on my back again. All this to say, I am a COWARD when it comes to scary things. I will pass on your scary movie nights. I have tried it and 2 Paranormal Activity movies and The Blair Witch Project later, I’m good, thanks.

So it’s going to be fun to explain my absolute obsession with the lore of Five Nights at Freddy’s.

For those who are unfamiliar, Five Nights at Freddy’s is a video game—an indie video game, actually—that absolutely exploded when I was in college. I started hearing about it back on Tumblr in 2014 (when Tumblr still seemed relevant), which is what ultimately led to me investigating it further. In the video game by Scott Cawthon, you play a security guard working the night shift at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria. During the day, the pizzeria is basically a fictional Chuck E. Cheese’s, including its entertaining animatronics. You are tasked with sitting in the security office, flicking through the security cameras from midnight until 6 AM to ensure no shenanigans occur. Here’s the sticking point:

The animatronics come to life and spend the night trying to kill you.

It’s a game known for its jump scares and it was a wild success. The series now includes nine games, one of which came out just last year. Plus tons of merch! Multiple books! And it sounds like the exact sort of scary story I would absolutely 100% not be interested in.

Which means I’ve certainly got a lot of explaining to do.

When I first heard about the game in college to the point that I couldn’t ignore it anymore, I did what any sensible millennial would do: I Googled it. And the first video that Google dropped into my search was a let’s play by Markiplier. While I had never heard of the gamer before (which is rather hilarious to think about now), the video had enough views and I had enough curiosity that I hesitantly clicked on the video to find out what this bizarre viral game was about.

Don’t think this made me brave right away. As the video played, I scrolled down into the Youtube comments to hide like the coward I am. Some truly wonderful commenters blessed the cowards like me with time codes of all the video’s jump scares so I could brace myself. And strangest of all, I found myself moving from one video in Markiplier’s play through of the game to the next, unable to step away from either the game or Markiplier’s commentary (is screaming commentary? I loved it either way).

Against all odds, I began to understand how someone could like a horror movie. The strange pleasantness that is an accelerating heartbeat even though you know you are perfectly safe. By watching someone else play the game, I was able to distance myself from the horror. While with a scary movie, the suspension of disbelief meant the movie felt too real, watching Markiplier experience the horror enabled me to keep the game in perspective as nothing more than a game.

As the series continued, I kept watching Five Nights at Freddy’s. And not just Markiplier’s play through. I’ve watched GameGrumps, Achievement Hunter, and GT Live all get “spooped” by the animatronics that wanted to stuff you inside an animatronic suit that would crush you to death (um…yeah…that’s the threat). I fell in love with listening the MatPat of GT Live and Game Theory dig into the lore and try to figure out what really happened at Freddy’s that led to the animatronics gaining vengeful life.

And from there, my desire to watch scary video games grew. Fran Bow, The Evil Within 1 and 2, Little Misfortune, Little Nightmares, Duck Season, Poppy Playtime, Doki Doki Literature Club, At Dead of Night, Until Dawn, and on and on. I can’t entertain the idea of watching The Conjuring but I’ll stay up past midnight to dig into the mysteries of a horrifying video game. To the point that even I have to demand, “Why?” And I’m the one actually living in this head of mine.

Like I said, I can figure out why I can handle video game horror better than movie horror. Not playing the video games, mind you. Playing horror video games I think would be worse. Basically, the scale from worst to best is like this:

1. Playing a scary video game

2. Watching a scary movie

3. Watching a scary video game

When watching a scary video game played by someone else, there’s less required in terms of the suspension of disbelief. You’re watching the scary thing through another frame so you are two steps divided from the horror rather than one. Which makes the horror less real and therefore fathomable for my scaredy-cat brain. It enables me to find the entertainment value of horror that other people find when watching frightening movies.

There’s something kind of fun about being scared so long as you know you are actually safe. In the way that a roller coaster is terrifying and therefore fun, as long as it’s actually safe. Your heart accelerates and your stomach drops out from beneath you and then you survive the thing anyway. Like a little kid tumbling down a slide.

I think there’s an added component of fun in this for me that’s a bit unusual. Because I’m an avid reader and writer, I am perpetually in the depths of storytelling. I study three act structure more than most rational people. I have a bookmark on my computer on how to build specifically the second half of a second act in a novel. Unfortunately, that means that a lot of stories have become predictable to me. You want to try to hide the true villain of a story? I’ve probably guessed it during act 1. So much for the unexpected twist thrill.

But I am not so familiar with the tropes of horror and so its almost entirely unpredictable to me. There may be rules to horror, but I don’t know them, at least not all of them. Which makes horror less predictable to me than other stories. So when there are stories with piles of hidden lore like Five Nights at Freddy’s, it’s like I’m playing scavenger hunt or digging through an escape room. I’m intrigued and scared and excited. I’m driven by the fact that I just want to know.

On top of that, horror video games have the ability to tell stories in unusual ways, with the capability of implementing multiple endings (sometimes that stack on top of each other), hidden secrets, or subverting expectations with something as simple as the “new game” versus “continue” game mechanic.

(QUICK SPOILER ALERT! for Doki Doki Literature Club)

I’m talking like Doki Doki Literature Club that uses so many unusual techniques in its storytelling. Glitches? Unlocking hidden files? Requiring you to actually dig into files on your computer and delete LITERAL GAME FILES?!? What horror movie enables such a unique element?

(SPOILER ALERT OVER)

Despite being a scaredy-cat, I love a good roller coaster. I love a story that changes the way my mind works. And horror enables that. And video game streamers enable that. Which just goes to show you that if you’re intrigued by something new and unusual, sometimes it’s okay to follow that intuition. Curiosity doesn’t always kill the cat. Be brave and try new things.

Even if you still look in the comments for the jump scare time codes.

I need to geek out about my favorite books for a hot second (nonfiction edition)

Time for a part 2 on my nerdy reading-obsessed series on my favorite books. Last week, I recommended plenty of fiction to fill your year (depending how fast you read…how fast do normal readers read in a year? I am not a normal reader). This week, we dive into nonfiction.

While I still don’t understand how a person can read only nonfiction, I used to read no nonfiction. Or at least, no nonfiction that wasn’t writing related. Now, I read tonssss of nonfiction so I’ve got a great selection to offer up as suggestions for your reading list!

Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez

I’m not entirely sure what I expected when I picked up this book but when I started reading it, it absolutely turned my world upside down. The topic of this book is to assess the various areas throughout our society in which we collect data but the data collection process we follow results in inaccuracy. Specifically, we don’t consider sex and gender in the data collection. And that affects the world we live in.

The one topic that I constantly call back to my mind is from chapter 9. Criado Perez examines tech startups, sports technology, and more. But the one point that stopped me short was the fact that cars are not designed with women in mind. The rules around crash test dummies, of all things, actually show gender bias through assumption of gender norms. Male crash test dummies are frequently in the drivers seat, while female crash test dummies are in the passenger seat. Which means we miss out on collecting data on female drivers, which results in cars that are less safe for drivers with that anatomy.

This book is phenomenal. There is so much research into this topic within this book. Literally just doing this write up makes me want to read the book again.

You Are Not So Smart by David McRaney

Okay, with a title like that, I was intrigued. And if that wasn’t enough, the subtitle is: Why You Have Too Many Friends on Facebook, Why Your Memory is Mostly Fiction, and 46 Other Ways You’re Deluding Yourself.

I mean, how do you not read this book?

This book explores bias and fallacies about how people think wrong. From Hindsight Bias to The Straw Man Fallacy, this book explains the topic and provides examples on how someone (or even you) might implement the fallacy. It’s equal parts frustrating and comforting. Because upon reading this book, I better understood the world around me. It saddened me. But now, I can see the inaccurate ways people use logic. Which gives me the tools to combat it and not let inaccurate arguments sway me.

Mediocre: The Dangerous Legacy of White Male America by Ijeoma Oluo

Oh that title. WOW that title. If I didn’t already love Oluo’s writing (I read So You Want to Talk About Race first), that title would be enough to get me to pick up the book. And if that title bothers you, then definitely read this book.

Have you ever read a nonfiction book you couldn’t put down? I tried to put down this one and that lasted all of twenty minutes. I had to keep going. Which is even wilder when you realize I had to read the whole thing on my computer because my e-reader refused to download it. But I couldn’t let the book pass me by.

Oluo discusses so much more than I expected. It’s more than just the “legacy of white male America.” Oluo walks through how the history of America led us to where we are today, how race and gender interact and how policies were created with those biases in mind. It changed my understanding of America. I’m not being dramatic. It explained how current policies in place were founded on policies that are racist and sexist. And that was so incredibly powerful to understand.

Weapons of Math Destruction: How Big Data Increases Inequality and Threatens Democracy by Cathy O’Neil

I work in IT so big data has been a buzz word everyday of my career. To the point where you start to get annoyed at the buzz word and start to avoid it, just out of spite. Is that a good reason to make a decision? Regardless, in 2021, I was seeking out books that would specifically relate to my career without sacrificing my own interests.

This book is fascinating. I think it has a lot of crossover with the topics in Invisible Women and Mediocre as well. Again, it returns to the subject that if your data collection method is flawed, so is your data. And if your data is flawed, so is your information. Big data has a lot of power. And this book is a reminder that this power might be ill-placed.

Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving by Celeste Headlee

Do Nothing is one of those books where the title set my expectations for the book that were entirely different from what the book actually was. Instead, it digs into the origins of the current 40-hour, 5-day workweek and how that is flawed, because that’s not the world we live in anymore. And while that wasn’t what I expected from this book, I was so glad to have read it. As soon as I finished it, I just wanted to hand it to everyone who worked at my job. And scream it from the rooftops. Because our values in the working world are at odds with reality.

.........

And because I don’t know when to stop, I wanted to share a few honorable mention books.

Honorable Mentions:

• So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo (I read this by Oluo first and it’s fantastic. It made me read Mediocre.)

• Troubleshooting Your Novel: Essential Techniques for Identifying and Solving Manuscript Problems by Steven James (this book is more for writers but I have read it multiple times, often when I’m starting a new big edit, and it’s always helpful)

I hope the last two weeks have given you plenty of new books to check out. And if you are ever looking for another recommendation, hit me up! My Goodreads account says I’ve read 645 books soooo…I’ve got a list.