And then the scaredy cat fell in love with horror video games…

If you think YOU’RE a scaredy-cat, remember this: I’m still a little bit messed up from Goosebumps: Night of the Living Dummy 3. Yup, a story for children. I watched a film version of this story back when I was a preteen, and because a living dummy was in an air vent in the film, I spent a year unable to sleep while facing them. Because one of the children was turned into a living dummy himself while sleeping on his back, it’s only been in adulthood that I’ve been able to sleep on my back again. All this to say, I am a COWARD when it comes to scary things. I will pass on your scary movie nights. I have tried it and 2 Paranormal Activity movies and The Blair Witch Project later, I’m good, thanks.

So it’s going to be fun to explain my absolute obsession with the lore of Five Nights at Freddy’s.

For those who are unfamiliar, Five Nights at Freddy’s is a video game—an indie video game, actually—that absolutely exploded when I was in college. I started hearing about it back on Tumblr in 2014 (when Tumblr still seemed relevant), which is what ultimately led to me investigating it further. In the video game by Scott Cawthon, you play a security guard working the night shift at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria. During the day, the pizzeria is basically a fictional Chuck E. Cheese’s, including its entertaining animatronics. You are tasked with sitting in the security office, flicking through the security cameras from midnight until 6 AM to ensure no shenanigans occur. Here’s the sticking point:

The animatronics come to life and spend the night trying to kill you.

It’s a game known for its jump scares and it was a wild success. The series now includes nine games, one of which came out just last year. Plus tons of merch! Multiple books! And it sounds like the exact sort of scary story I would absolutely 100% not be interested in.

Which means I’ve certainly got a lot of explaining to do.

When I first heard about the game in college to the point that I couldn’t ignore it anymore, I did what any sensible millennial would do: I Googled it. And the first video that Google dropped into my search was a let’s play by Markiplier. While I had never heard of the gamer before (which is rather hilarious to think about now), the video had enough views and I had enough curiosity that I hesitantly clicked on the video to find out what this bizarre viral game was about.

Don’t think this made me brave right away. As the video played, I scrolled down into the Youtube comments to hide like the coward I am. Some truly wonderful commenters blessed the cowards like me with time codes of all the video’s jump scares so I could brace myself. And strangest of all, I found myself moving from one video in Markiplier’s play through of the game to the next, unable to step away from either the game or Markiplier’s commentary (is screaming commentary? I loved it either way).

Against all odds, I began to understand how someone could like a horror movie. The strange pleasantness that is an accelerating heartbeat even though you know you are perfectly safe. By watching someone else play the game, I was able to distance myself from the horror. While with a scary movie, the suspension of disbelief meant the movie felt too real, watching Markiplier experience the horror enabled me to keep the game in perspective as nothing more than a game.

As the series continued, I kept watching Five Nights at Freddy’s. And not just Markiplier’s play through. I’ve watched GameGrumps, Achievement Hunter, and GT Live all get “spooped” by the animatronics that wanted to stuff you inside an animatronic suit that would crush you to death (um…yeah…that’s the threat). I fell in love with listening the MatPat of GT Live and Game Theory dig into the lore and try to figure out what really happened at Freddy’s that led to the animatronics gaining vengeful life.

And from there, my desire to watch scary video games grew. Fran Bow, The Evil Within 1 and 2, Little Misfortune, Little Nightmares, Duck Season, Poppy Playtime, Doki Doki Literature Club, At Dead of Night, Until Dawn, and on and on. I can’t entertain the idea of watching The Conjuring but I’ll stay up past midnight to dig into the mysteries of a horrifying video game. To the point that even I have to demand, “Why?” And I’m the one actually living in this head of mine.

Like I said, I can figure out why I can handle video game horror better than movie horror. Not playing the video games, mind you. Playing horror video games I think would be worse. Basically, the scale from worst to best is like this:

1. Playing a scary video game

2. Watching a scary movie

3. Watching a scary video game

When watching a scary video game played by someone else, there’s less required in terms of the suspension of disbelief. You’re watching the scary thing through another frame so you are two steps divided from the horror rather than one. Which makes the horror less real and therefore fathomable for my scaredy-cat brain. It enables me to find the entertainment value of horror that other people find when watching frightening movies.

There’s something kind of fun about being scared so long as you know you are actually safe. In the way that a roller coaster is terrifying and therefore fun, as long as it’s actually safe. Your heart accelerates and your stomach drops out from beneath you and then you survive the thing anyway. Like a little kid tumbling down a slide.

I think there’s an added component of fun in this for me that’s a bit unusual. Because I’m an avid reader and writer, I am perpetually in the depths of storytelling. I study three act structure more than most rational people. I have a bookmark on my computer on how to build specifically the second half of a second act in a novel. Unfortunately, that means that a lot of stories have become predictable to me. You want to try to hide the true villain of a story? I’ve probably guessed it during act 1. So much for the unexpected twist thrill.

But I am not so familiar with the tropes of horror and so its almost entirely unpredictable to me. There may be rules to horror, but I don’t know them, at least not all of them. Which makes horror less predictable to me than other stories. So when there are stories with piles of hidden lore like Five Nights at Freddy’s, it’s like I’m playing scavenger hunt or digging through an escape room. I’m intrigued and scared and excited. I’m driven by the fact that I just want to know.

On top of that, horror video games have the ability to tell stories in unusual ways, with the capability of implementing multiple endings (sometimes that stack on top of each other), hidden secrets, or subverting expectations with something as simple as the “new game” versus “continue” game mechanic.

(QUICK SPOILER ALERT! for Doki Doki Literature Club)

I’m talking like Doki Doki Literature Club that uses so many unusual techniques in its storytelling. Glitches? Unlocking hidden files? Requiring you to actually dig into files on your computer and delete LITERAL GAME FILES?!? What horror movie enables such a unique element?

(SPOILER ALERT OVER)

Despite being a scaredy-cat, I love a good roller coaster. I love a story that changes the way my mind works. And horror enables that. And video game streamers enable that. Which just goes to show you that if you’re intrigued by something new and unusual, sometimes it’s okay to follow that intuition. Curiosity doesn’t always kill the cat. Be brave and try new things.

Even if you still look in the comments for the jump scare time codes.